Phoebe Buffay, what can I say!
P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) ‘Ello there mate!
Disclaimer: This is going to be my long tribute to the wonder that is Phoebe Buffay. I breakdown, in this post, what Phoebe Buffay is, how she came to be in my consciousness and why I love her - in detail. Who is Phoebe Buffay, you ask? Oh, you know nothing big. Just the most influential, the most beautiful, the most wonderful fictitious character I have seen. She, according to me, was the north star of F.R.I.E.N.D.S
In one interview (linked), Lisa Kudrow admits to creating the character of Phoebe Buffay of F.R.I.E.N.D.S as is the way that we adorably know her today. The interesting thing about her portrayal of Phoebe is that it is so original that the viewers to this day think it is her. Every other person and character in the series can be separated if we tried hard enough but no matter how hard you try, Phoebe Buffay and Lisa Kudrow are inseparable for the viewers. This specificity of her rendition caused her enough trouble for her characterization, even today, so many decades after the end of the series. If I saw Lisa outside in person and was aiming for a selfie, I would refer to her as Phoebe first and then correct myself mid-sentence - because that’s how I’ve known her.
Phoebe Buffay is quite the unique person and probably the most well-defined character in the entire series. I have multiple reasons to back this. Phoebe Buffay, unlike every other friend in the series, has no direct connection to any of them. Sure she was a roommate to Monica once but she wasn’t the roommate anymore even when the series started. There is no obligation for the group to have maintained her friendship even after she left. Even if Monica loved her, there’s no reason for the group to love her.
If only Phoebe weren’t that impactful, that important and that lovable. If only.
In the first episode itself, Phoebe asserts her dominance in one line: “Oh, I wish I could but I don’t want to.” She is self-assured, she is confident, she is also extremely sweet. One line, just one line, that’s all it took to establish her.
While the world marvels at the beautiful relationship Monica and Chandler developed over time, I marvel and cry insufferably at Phoebe Buffay’s wedding. There was nothing more beautiful to me in the entirety of the series than her wedding.
And she smiled all through. She had men dropping dead over her, every season. She took her life - filled with unimaginable trauma - as if it were an everyday, every person thing and brushed it off to live in the present. She is so giving that she birthed triplets for her half-brother, who she barely knew. She is forgiving, she gives chances to people - even to jingle-stealing ex-friends. She is this creative whimsical artist who writes her songs on stuff nobody cares about. She embraced her edge, her delusion, her temper, her unwavering stance, her grit, her love, her wit, her superstition, her beauty, her many many many rings and her incredible hairdos with such open arms that it’s simply a joy to imagine being her friend. She is a lot, and she is a keeper!
Phoebe Buffay - is who I would want to be.
Phoebe Buffay, what can I say. I would love to be you but I lack the courage to be that way.
In psychology, there’s this exercise commonly recommended by therapists. The idea is to split a page into 3 parts. One part defines who you are. One part defines you want to be. One part defines who the world sees you as.
Now, after healing myself for years, I have come to identify and equate 2 parts of it. The world looks at me like I am Monica. I look at me, understand me and identify me - every nerve of me is a Monica. I like being Monica. It calms me to clean. I love hosting people. I love organization. I am a natural leader, I can convince and influence people to do what I believe in. I hate upsetting people. I love organized board games. I am great at crisis management.
And somewhere between all this, every night before I sleep, I realize it. Truth be told, I actually want to be Phoebe. Maybe if not entirely, at least a Monica+Phoebe. Could I just keep my good Monica and the great Phoebe to it? Can I be half parts Monica and half parts Phoebe? Can I be a Phoe-nica?
The path from a people pleaser Monica to the maverick Phoebe isn’t at all easy. But all I can do is try. And so I do. I make art. Sometimes its a Gladys and Glynnys and sometimes its oatmeal raisin cookies. And that, I think, is life!